The Steering Wheel, the Map, the life...

At the start of this academic year I started telling people and myself that I would have to rely on the Lord to get through this year. I thought this a positive statement to make, acknowledging that he is in control and by him and only by him can I get through what seems to be a very very busy and difficult year of study.

What has changed that makes me suddenly think I need him?!

I need him in everything I do!

For too long I have been in control. Abba Father has been tapping me on the shoulder asking me if he can do it, telling me he is in control, for too long I have turned to him and arrogantly said "I can handle it".

When I really can't.

Who do I think I am?! What is this life I have been living?

Where is my humility? Why don't I come to him begging to help every morning, every minute?

What would life look like if I did?

Paul said "I can do all things through him who gives me strength", not "I can do most things on my own and then I only come to him when I really need help, when I am depressed and lonely, when I am lost."

I seriously hope my weakness is made perfect in him. I seriously hope he takes my foolishness and teaches me an essential, good, harsh lesson.

(Radiohead's 'Just' has come on... You do it to yourself you do...)